Kool Thing of the Week # 3: Goodbye, Olympics Edition

This video is not from the Olympics, nor is it particularly new (it was posted in July), yet I can think of no better way to send the 2012 Games off into the sunset than a clip of a runner bulldozing his way through a set of hurdles. This event occurred at the Chinese University Games, which I am not particularly familiar with, but apparently seems to be a legitimate athletic competition. Taking no heed of the barriers in his path, the runner adopts a scorched earth policy, somehow managing to demolish hurdles in his competitor's lane, which is an impressive feat. After witnessing so many near-perfect acts of athletic prowess over the last two weeks, it's pleasant to see a different approach to one of track's oldest and most revered events. 

Oldies Corner
In honor of Blur's performance last night as part of the Closing Ceremonies in Hyde Park, here is footage of those '90s Britpop heroes performing one of their many excellent songs, "End of a Century," live. Blur have been all over the place lately, thanks largely to the recent release of a box set containing all their albums as well as a boatload of unreleased material (which you can pick up for a cool $210). The band never got the credit they deserved here in the United States (outside of the fact "Song Two" will be played at sporting events for all of eternity), so I will attempt to do my part to share a taste of a great band that you may not have considered could have been so great. 

I Can't Stop Watching the Olympics

I initially had planned to do only one post about the Olympics, but seeing as that sporting spectacle is now totally consuming my life, I had no other choice but to write about it again. Since we are now a week into competition, it seems to be a fitting time to reflect on what I have absorbed from hours and hours of viewing thus far. While NBC insists on pretending synchronized diving, swimming, beach volleyball, and gymnastics are the only sports at this year’s Games, there actually have been plenty of notable moments in other sports. Here’s what I’ve learned while compulsive flipping through the NBC family of networks over the past few days:

• Team USA men’s basketball is better than I thought. In my last post about the Olympics, I asked that someone call me when Team USA won a game by more than 68 points. I honestly wasn’t expecting to hear that phone ring, but last night the squad-who-we-may-actually-have-to-start-comparing-to-the-Dream-Team accomplished a feat that I did not think was possible. The Americans defeated Nigeria 156 to 73—a whopping 83-point margin of victory. Records were falling as quickly as the threes out there, sending a clear message to the other teams and to haters at home (like me) that this team is for real.
• Boxing people are not happy with the way boxing is going. The commentators on CNBC’s coverage have been nothing short of perpetually incredulous over the scoring and officiating at this year’s boxing competition. The sport has been mired in controversy; one referee was expelled from the Games after a match between fighters from Japan and Azerbaijan was not called fairly. Even though I don’t understand a lot about boxing, I’ve had to stop my channel surfing several times just to hear what the commentators have been shouting about. It has been some of the most frank and critical sports commentary I’ve seen in some time, which I think is fantastic. 
• Water polo looks exhausting. Not only do the players have to swim the length of the pool over and over again, then tread water whilst catching and shooting a ball, they must also fend off opponents who are ostensibly attempting to drown them. It’s an entertaining sport to watch, but the odds of me heading down to the local pool for a little friendly game of water polo are next to none.
• The sport of badminton has some explaining to do. Whether you’re on the middle school basketball team or playing croquet with your cousins in the backyard, throwing matches isn’t a good look. Doing it on the biggest stage of the sport, while the whole world is watching, is unconscionable. Regrettable incidents like this one lead to questions of whether a sport which is usually only contested at family picnics should be at the Olympics at all.
• Handball is a highly underrated sport. It combines elements of basketball, hockey, and soccer, so there’s a little something for every sports fan. The game is surprisingly physical and the men’s and women’s competitions have been equally compelling to watch. Here’s hoping my boys from Iceland are able to keep rolling and take home the gold after finishing with the silver in 2008.

• Fencing is entirely lost on me. While there is something alluring about the bizarre lighting of the platform and the Power Rangers-esque body armor (which lights up!), I have no idea where the points come from and I can’t figure out strategy or technique in any way, shape, or form. While I’m sure there will be plenty more fencing in the next week, I will not be tuning in.
• Bradley Wiggins is tearing up the world of cycling. After dominating the Tour de France just days ago, the man the Brits call ‘Wiggo’ took home the gold in the road cycling time trial event, and it wasn’t particularly close. His stature is sure to continue to rise, especially when people get at look at his awesome sideburns.
• Soccer needs to change its age restrictions. Limiting the men’s soccer competition to players in the under-23 bracket (with three exceptions) but allowing the women’s game to include the best players regardless of age creates a great imbalance between the two events. In one, you have the best players in the world competing on a huge stage, so it naturally will be a big deal. In the other, you have a few select young players that aren’t on many of the elite national teams, and even fewer big names that get people excited about tuning in. Something is obviously off when Spain, whose real national team are the undisputed champions of Europe (and maybe the World), couldn’t even get out of the group stage. Perhaps the International Olympic Committee is worried a full-fledged World Cup-type of Olympic tournament would overshadow the other sports [via roommate’s contribution]. However, the Olympics should be about seeing athletes perform their respective sports at the highest level, regardless of age or any other arbitrary restriction. Either allow everyone to play, or don’t waste time putting on a soccer tournament at the Olympics.
• Archery is the best sport at the Olympic Games. It is fast-paced, suspenseful, the rules are pretty simple, and you can watch a full match in the time it takes to brew a cup of coffee. There are also tons of bucket hats, if you are into that kind of thing. Shout out to the American men’s squad, who came away with a surprise silver medal, defeating archery powerhouse South Korea before barely losing the gold medal match to a tough Italy squad.
• The fact that table tennis, equestrian, and judo are part of the Olympics, but sports like cricket, rugby, squash, racquetball, and lacrosse are not, is downright shocking. I think someone should do something about this.

While I can say at this time that I don’t plan on writing any more about the Olympics, considering my weekend schedule will be filled with nothing but high jumps, hammer throws, and handball, I won’t make any promises. Enjoy the Olympics, folks, because before you know it, we’ll be back to baseball and counting down the hours until the XXXI Olympiad kicks off in Rio. 

Let’s Talk About the Olympics

We’ve all been there. You’re on your way to a Pokémon convention in a faraway town, riding down the elevator to the hotel ballroom with a gray-haired man who looks like he’s headed to a talk on new developments in the field of accountancy. Then, suddenly, the earth shakes, the lights flicker, and the lift rattles to a stop. And now you’re trapped, potentially for many excruciating hours, with a stranger who doesn’t know the first thing about ‘catching them all.’ Okay. So maybe this isn’t the best example. But there are plenty of instances in which you are forced to (or want to) make small talk with the person nearest you. You may find yourself on a first date with someone you met on OK-Cupid when your delightful description of how you can fit all six of your cats into one flower pot falls flat, or maybe you’re sitting in a crowded waiting room of the dentist’s office and you don’t feel up to perusing last month’s issue of Good Housekeeping for a third time. What can you talk about? The weather, especially at this point in a heat wave without end, is played out (“Can you believe how hot it is?”). And just as your mother advised, you should probably leave the politics and religion at home.

Instead, for the next three weeks, why not talk about the upcoming Summer Olympics? The quadrennial event, which officially kicks off Friday evening (27 July), brings everyone on the planet together (at least, theoretically and temporarily), so it should be a topic that just about any citizen of the world can chime in on. If you’re like me, you’ve spent the last few weeks tracking American qualifying events in swimming, overloading your brain on BBC America programming, and ‘picking up the pace’ while you jog around the neighborhood envisioning yourself on the way to a podium and a blaring “Star-Spangled Banner.”  But if you’re not as into the Games as I am, fear not. Just drop some of these fun Olympic facts into a conversation and you’ll be able to make fast friends (or lovers) with whomever you converse. (Results may vary):

• The 2012 Summer Olympic Games are based in London, which is a city in England, which is part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, which is located to the northwest of the European Continent. Athletes from this nation will be identified as representing only “Great Britain” when competing, but don’t let that fool you—a few Northern Irish folks may be mixed in there as well.
• This Olympiad will be the third hosted by London (the others being in 1908 and 1948), making the English capital the first city to hold three modern Games. (Take that, Athens).
• Speaking of Greece, they actually came up with the idea for this whole thing, long before the modern Olympics began in 1896. The first real Olympiad is said to have taken place in 776 B.C. at Olympia (and appear to have continued there until 394 A.D. when Christian rulers grew weary of all the pagan-loving going on). There were three other Pan-Hellenic sporting contests (the Pythian, Nemean, and Isthmian Games), but the Games at Olympia were the most important on the calendar, which is why they were the basis for the modern games when they were resurrected in the late 19^th century. Much of the new formulation of the Olympics hearkened back to the idea of opposing city-states (later, countries), laying down arms, peacefully competing against each other in athletic pursuits.
• There is no evidence that beach volleyball was part of the program during the ancient Games. The majority of the early events were foot races of different lengths, though sports like wrestling and boxing were later added.
• A leaked music playlist for Friday’s Opening Ceremony includes The Beatles, The Stones, Bowie, Queen, Zeppelin, The Who, Duran Duran, Oasis, Adele, MIA, and Coldplay, which appears to be the United Kingdom’s way of telling the world, “You may beat us on the track and in the pool, but you will never beat us in music that gets overplayed on the radio.”

• In the 2008 Beijing Olympics, the United States took home the most medals overall (110), while host country China won the most gold medals (51). The total medal count should once again be tight between these two countries, which will hopefully not sour Sino-American relations (apparently they make a lot of our stuff).
• At these Games, more than 10,000 athletes will represent 205 countries, which is actually a figure more than there are members of the United Nations (193).
• Newly formed South Sudan has not yet established a National Olympic Committee (understandable), so its lone athlete will compete in track and field independently under the Olympic flag.
• For an ‘off-beat’ course for your conversation, look to handball, BMX biking, judo, trampoline, women’s boxing (first-time event), or the original ‘alt’-est sport of all, Table Tennis (aka “Ping Pong”).
• While the International Olympic Committee has yet to include American Football (shame) and it has recently eliminated baseball from its program, you can still cheer on American professional athletes like LeBron, Kobe, and Kevin Durant as the U.S. Men’s Basketball team looks to take gold once again, so long as they don’t get tripped up by Spain or Argentina. Some are saying this squad might be as impressive of a collection of talent as the 1992 Dream Team. I’m not holding my breath—just call me when they beat somebody by more than 68 points.
• Sixteen-time medalist Michael Phelps will be likely finishing up his Olympic swimming career at these Games, but he should be pushed by fellow American Ryan Lochte to take home buckets of gold yet again. The two will swim head-to-head (not literally, it’s more like arm-to-arm, or lane-to-lane?) in the 200-meter and 400-meter individual medleys. “Even the water won’t be able to cool off this heated rivalry,” says some terrible television commentator sometime in the next two weeks.
• Women’s soccer (football to the rest of the world) also looks to be a bright spot for the U.S., as the squad will attempt to capture its third straight Olympic gold medal, making the fact that the men’s team couldn’t even qualify for the Games even more pathetic.
• On the track, Usain Bolt of Jamaica will attempt to win both the 100- and 200-meter races for the second time, and retain his title as ‘the fastest man in the world.’ I have no jokes to add; this guy is just ridiculously fast.

So, there you have it. If you want to know more, there are plenty of resources out there to provide the ins-and-outs of archery and synchronized swimming (this font of knowledge can only be so deep). But remember, if you get stuck unable to recall any of these facts to strike up a conversation, revert to a timeless joke about the quality of British cuisine (blood sausage, anyone?). Or just talk in a British accent and everything will be fine.  Everyone loves a British accent.