Let’s Talk About the Olympics

We’ve all been there. You’re on your way to a Pokémon convention in a faraway town, riding down the elevator to the hotel ballroom with a gray-haired man who looks like he’s headed to a talk on new developments in the field of accountancy. Then, suddenly, the earth shakes, the lights flicker, and the lift rattles to a stop. And now you’re trapped, potentially for many excruciating hours, with a stranger who doesn’t know the first thing about ‘catching them all.’ Okay. So maybe this isn’t the best example. But there are plenty of instances in which you are forced to (or want to) make small talk with the person nearest you. You may find yourself on a first date with someone you met on OK-Cupid when your delightful description of how you can fit all six of your cats into one flower pot falls flat, or maybe you’re sitting in a crowded waiting room of the dentist’s office and you don’t feel up to perusing last month’s issue of Good Housekeeping for a third time. What can you talk about? The weather, especially at this point in a heat wave without end, is played out (“Can you believe how hot it is?”). And just as your mother advised, you should probably leave the politics and religion at home.

Instead, for the next three weeks, why not talk about the upcoming Summer Olympics? The quadrennial event, which officially kicks off Friday evening (27 July), brings everyone on the planet together (at least, theoretically and temporarily), so it should be a topic that just about any citizen of the world can chime in on. If you’re like me, you’ve spent the last few weeks tracking American qualifying events in swimming, overloading your brain on BBC America programming, and ‘picking up the pace’ while you jog around the neighborhood envisioning yourself on the way to a podium and a blaring “Star-Spangled Banner.”  But if you’re not as into the Games as I am, fear not. Just drop some of these fun Olympic facts into a conversation and you’ll be able to make fast friends (or lovers) with whomever you converse. (Results may vary):

• The 2012 Summer Olympic Games are based in London, which is a city in England, which is part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, which is located to the northwest of the European Continent. Athletes from this nation will be identified as representing only “Great Britain” when competing, but don’t let that fool you—a few Northern Irish folks may be mixed in there as well.
• This Olympiad will be the third hosted by London (the others being in 1908 and 1948), making the English capital the first city to hold three modern Games. (Take that, Athens).
• Speaking of Greece, they actually came up with the idea for this whole thing, long before the modern Olympics began in 1896. The first real Olympiad is said to have taken place in 776 B.C. at Olympia (and appear to have continued there until 394 A.D. when Christian rulers grew weary of all the pagan-loving going on). There were three other Pan-Hellenic sporting contests (the Pythian, Nemean, and Isthmian Games), but the Games at Olympia were the most important on the calendar, which is why they were the basis for the modern games when they were resurrected in the late 19^th century. Much of the new formulation of the Olympics hearkened back to the idea of opposing city-states (later, countries), laying down arms, peacefully competing against each other in athletic pursuits.
• There is no evidence that beach volleyball was part of the program during the ancient Games. The majority of the early events were foot races of different lengths, though sports like wrestling and boxing were later added.
• A leaked music playlist for Friday’s Opening Ceremony includes The Beatles, The Stones, Bowie, Queen, Zeppelin, The Who, Duran Duran, Oasis, Adele, MIA, and Coldplay, which appears to be the United Kingdom’s way of telling the world, “You may beat us on the track and in the pool, but you will never beat us in music that gets overplayed on the radio.”

• In the 2008 Beijing Olympics, the United States took home the most medals overall (110), while host country China won the most gold medals (51). The total medal count should once again be tight between these two countries, which will hopefully not sour Sino-American relations (apparently they make a lot of our stuff).
• At these Games, more than 10,000 athletes will represent 205 countries, which is actually a figure more than there are members of the United Nations (193).
• Newly formed South Sudan has not yet established a National Olympic Committee (understandable), so its lone athlete will compete in track and field independently under the Olympic flag.
• For an ‘off-beat’ course for your conversation, look to handball, BMX biking, judo, trampoline, women’s boxing (first-time event), or the original ‘alt’-est sport of all, Table Tennis (aka “Ping Pong”).
• While the International Olympic Committee has yet to include American Football (shame) and it has recently eliminated baseball from its program, you can still cheer on American professional athletes like LeBron, Kobe, and Kevin Durant as the U.S. Men’s Basketball team looks to take gold once again, so long as they don’t get tripped up by Spain or Argentina. Some are saying this squad might be as impressive of a collection of talent as the 1992 Dream Team. I’m not holding my breath—just call me when they beat somebody by more than 68 points.
• Sixteen-time medalist Michael Phelps will be likely finishing up his Olympic swimming career at these Games, but he should be pushed by fellow American Ryan Lochte to take home buckets of gold yet again. The two will swim head-to-head (not literally, it’s more like arm-to-arm, or lane-to-lane?) in the 200-meter and 400-meter individual medleys. “Even the water won’t be able to cool off this heated rivalry,” says some terrible television commentator sometime in the next two weeks.
• Women’s soccer (football to the rest of the world) also looks to be a bright spot for the U.S., as the squad will attempt to capture its third straight Olympic gold medal, making the fact that the men’s team couldn’t even qualify for the Games even more pathetic.
• On the track, Usain Bolt of Jamaica will attempt to win both the 100- and 200-meter races for the second time, and retain his title as ‘the fastest man in the world.’ I have no jokes to add; this guy is just ridiculously fast.

So, there you have it. If you want to know more, there are plenty of resources out there to provide the ins-and-outs of archery and synchronized swimming (this font of knowledge can only be so deep). But remember, if you get stuck unable to recall any of these facts to strike up a conversation, revert to a timeless joke about the quality of British cuisine (blood sausage, anyone?). Or just talk in a British accent and everything will be fine.  Everyone loves a British accent.